COTD: Stop Chasing The Love That Never Belonged To You

I woke up today with a long, hollow sigh. Seeing the sunshine through my window had me feeling like the weight of my problems were slowly being melted off of my shoulders, especially since it's been raining for the past couple of weeks here in Gainesville. I woke up feeling introspective after the emotional night I shared with my partner. We were both opening up to each other, and crying about the tragedies we've survived from the folks that were supposed to love us. Especially when we needed them most. We talked about the love that never belonged to us, but that we always fought for anyways.

Today, I pulled the Ace of Cups.

And today was when I realized that I wanted to share this message with you.

Deck pictured above: The Trippin' Waite Tarot by Tarot Collectibles.

How would I describe love? I think Bell Hooks said it best when she defined love as “nourishing yours and another's spiritual growth.“ This is also how we will define love in this blog.

Ace of cups is asking us to reflect on how receptive we are to love, our relationship to love, and how it flows through us (and where it doesn't). How do you maintain a relationship to love in your daily spiritual practices? Are you taking enough time to nourish yourself as you do others? Do you feel like you're fully receiving the love other's have to give you? Do you even accept love, and could you recognize love if it hit you in the face? Who taught you how to love yourself?

These are all good questions that could be helpful to reflect on, especially if you have a lot of difficulty receiving, recognizing, and maintaining love in your life. More often than not, I find that our relationship to love doesn't just randomly become unbalanced/unhealthy, this tends to be because we were taught how to love this way by those who also didn't know how to love. Because the truth of the matter is: no one is born into this world knowing how to love. It's something we all have to eventually learn in our lives.

And those conversations like the one I had with my partner last night are a reminder that having the discernment to recognize and understand what love truly is, helps me further recognize what love wasn't in my upbringing and in my present life, which has radically changed how I treat myself as well.

If that love was only going to be given to you if you didn't set that boundary, then it never belonged to you. If that love was only going to be given to you when you could provide something that especially, and most importantly, benefitted them, then it never belonged to you. If that love was only going to be given to you when you repress who you are authentically to make them feel comfortable, then that love never belonged to you. If anything, that intention to ''love'' needs to be going towards how to build up and secure themselves rather than to try to manage/control you but, I digress.

When you can recognize when someone's ''love'' is not meant for you to receive, you can finally stop fighting for the love that doesn't belong to you. Because love worth having is not love that you have to fight for— and most importantly, that isn't love anyways.

We can learn to embrace love when we can understand what love isn't. We also can embrace love by further understanding how to become more intentional in our day-to-day lives, which isn't just beneficial to our relationships with others and ourselves, but also to our spiritual practices. Learning how to love is one of the most spiritual things that you can do.

So what I, and the Ace of Cups ask of you today is: do you sabotage your ability to receive/express love in your life by filing up your cup with ''love'' that doesn't belong to you?

And, that's the tea on that folks.

Have a great week,

Sydney Lee